The 4 Stages of Behavioural Change
First of all, thanks for opening this blog page. I know that title may as well say "this is so boring" but I get it-- you're a geek like me and so things like behavioural change interest you. So, let's dive in, fellow geek!
(But also, should I rethink the title?? .....)
If you read nothing else, at least take in this reminder:
nothing -- including you and your behaviours and habits -- is permanent.
Look outside and you'll see that the trees look very different to how they looked 6 months ago and like it or not, you're not so different to a tree. Seasons change, the rhythms of all of life on the planet pulsate and sway, and so 👏do 👏you 👏.
I think this is just wonderful. Like, beyond "yeah that's cool or whatever" but ....LIFE-ALTERINGLY WONDERFUL. Because I just remind myself every time I'm in a funk, feeling anxious, depressed, invisible, or lonely (oh, hell yah I have those days/weeks/months) that this state is temporary. It also reminds me when I'm having the time of my life to take a moment to pause and inhale the magnificence of that beautiful experience.
And it's that mindfulness -- that awareness of the self in the present moment -- that is the difference between being in the passenger seat of life's changes, and scootin' over to the steering wheel.
While we're on the subject of driving, if you're an experienced driver then chances are you've had that experience AT LEAST ONCE where you arrive at a familiar destination and suddenly think, "wow....how did I get here? I don't remember my drive at all!" You look down and see that you, your car, and the world around you, is all still in one piece and you figure you did okay. Even though your mind was off in Who-knows-where Land.
This is total mindLESSness. And we can be completely mindless as we do a task that we're familiar with because we've already done it a thousand times before and our brain and body have created the habit. (Thanks, nervous system!)
So, behavioural change can be thought of as forming new habits. And behavioural change / forming new habits is useful when we identify something in our lives that we would like to alter. We jump in the driver's seat, and WE make the change. Yay!
Here are some examples of good habits that I'm currently working to form:
- Read a book instead of scrolling through social media as I near bedtime.
- Replacing short, shallow anxious breaths with long, slow diaphragmatic breaths.
- Incorporating at least 10 minutes of learning a new language into each day (Pourquoi est-ce que j'ai attendu jusqu'a j’ai 35 ans? 😅Ça serait plus facile à une age plus jeune!)
- Gripping with my left big toe every time I walk to retrain my left foot to work properly.
In my experience, this habit re-formation happens in 4 stages:
1) Make the intention, and then forget
You get to the end of the day and you think "omg, I didn't do any French today!" And that's okay. Old habits (e.g.. NOT practising a foreign language) die hard. (Thanks, nervous system!)
THIS IS NOT A REASON TO QUIT. This is just a normal part of the process.
At this stage, take a moment to focus on your intention; write some mental post-it notes for your future self, and visualise yourself remembering next time to do the new behaviour.
2) Notice the old habit when you've already been doing it for some time
Slowly, you start to train your brain to recognise when the old habit is taking place, and you notice it. But probably when it's too late. E.g. You've just scrolled social media for 30 minutes, it's 10:30p.m., and you JUST NOW remembered you weren't gonna do that anymore.
THIS IS NOT A REASON TO QUIT. This is also just a normal part of the process.
Stop the old habit now and just do ONE REP of the new habit, if nothing else.
3) Notice the old habit when you're in the midst of it
Yup, your brain is starting to catch on. Simply the INTENTION and the work you've been doing to BE AWARE of this habit you want to change is altering your neural pathways and you're finally starting to catch yourself in the old habit. Maybe now it only takes a couple of minutes of that short, shallow breathing before something makes you think, "This isn't right."
You were temporarily in the passenger seat, but that passenger seat is starting to feel weird and icky, and the driver's seat is moulding to the shape of your butt quite nicely.
You were temporarily in the passenger seat, but that passenger seat is starting to feel weird and icky, and the driver's seat is moulding to the shape of your butt quite nicely.
This might be WEEKS into this journey, because thankfully, our nervous systems do take time to change at this level. (Otherwise life would be craayyyyy.)
At this point, you just keep it up. Don't get lazy! You still have to remind yourself, but the mindful awareness is working!
4) The old habit creeps up when you're tired, sick, hungover, or stressed. But otherwise, you're a new you!
You'll finally start to do that new behaviour automatically, without having to remind yourself of it. It's become a habit, yay! But if the old habit you've worked to erase was there for years and years, then your nervous system might find quite a lot of comfort in it. So don't be surprised if your traumatised left foot goes floppy again in the face of stress or fatigue. This is the time when all the mindfulness you practiced comes in handy, and you remind your nervous system that this old habit has lived its days. It's out with the old, in with the new! If you can keep up your new good habit even when you're feeling mega blah, then you're on your way to acing it. BOOM.
Habit reformation and behavioural change happen through NEURAL PLASTICITY -- the constant forming and reforming of neural connections.
A little bonus reading on neural plasticity…
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There are many different analogies and pictorial metaphors for the phenomenon of neural plasticity. My favourite though is the analogy of a sled on a snowy mountain: the first time the sled goes down the freshly fallen snow, it may not slide very easily. But as the sled goes down that same path over and over again, the snow becomes more impacted and the sled can glide easily down. This is like a neural pathway being formed (the signal from the brain to a muscle to do something, or for one area of the brain to signal a certain mental or emotional response).
But if you decide to take your sled down a slightly different path, then not only are you going to have to start from scratch carving out a nice path through the snow, but if you veer too closely to the old trail, then the sled may take the path of least resistance and slip over to the old, familiar path. It's not until the new path becomes more deeply entrenched than the old one that the sled will easily stick to that new path.
While it takes some time and effort, it's not impossible! This is neural plasticity -- the fact that the brain and nervous system -- i.e. every single part of how you experience life -- and it means you can change almost anything about yourself*, with an intention, some effort, and time.
But, one more thing about neural plasticity to remember is that the snow on this metaphorical mountain is constantly falling and that sled is constantly sledding. In fact it's more like BILLIONS of sleds are constantly sledding. What you're doing RIGHT NOW and EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE is either entrenching an old path through the snow, or forming a new one. But NEVER is anything fixed.
So remember, habits can be ANYTHING you do without conscious effort.
This includes your thoughts and feelings, and the decisions you make!
And YOU'RE IN AT THE STEERING WHEEL!
*If you're into this, I highly recommend the book "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge. The stories told in it are mindblowing! You will be surprised just what we are capable of changing in ourselves.
Love you lots,
(and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots)
Adell